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CLASSIC HABY STUPID WEATHER JOKES
SET 2

METEOROLOGIST JEFF HABY



26. Why does Santa have trouble delivering presents on the top of ice covered roofs?


-Because it is very slippery, most roofs are sloped, raindeer hooves have poorer traction and Santa has rubber boots on


27. How is snow white?


-Pretty good, according to the 7 dwarfs


28. What is the opposite of a cold front?


-A warm back


29. What did the handsome male dew drop say to the beautiful female dew drop?


-Let's go out and dew something


30. What did the Nitrogen molecule call the nerdish Oxygen molecule?


-An Oxymoron


31. Why do forecast models often suffer from depression?


-They are told they are unattractive and wrong much of the time


32. What do hurricanes most like to eat for dessert?


-Candy Canes


33. What did the primary rainbow say to the secondary rainbow?


-Your pants are on backwards


34. How did the rainbow know is was lost?


-It was a clear day


How did the rainbow know is was still lost?


-It was night


35. Why does frost not like to lay out in the sun?


-It burns too easily


36. Why don't tornadoes watch Bill O'Reilly on FOXNEWS?


-It is a no spin zone


37. A tornado walks into a bar and orders a Hurricane. The bartender asks why he is ordering a Hurricane when he is a tornado. The tornado responds with, "I am a hurricane induced tornado".


38. Weather names for a meteorologist's baby:

-Air, Anvil, Aurora, Autumn, Bergeron, Breeze, Breezy, Cape, C.G., Chase, Chaser, Cirrus, Celsius, Chinook, Coriolis, Crystal, Cumulus, Dew, Dewy, Doppler, Dusty, Eddy, Eta, Fahrenheit, Foehn, Flurry, Frosty, Fujita, Gage, Gale, Glory, Gusty, Haily, Helicity, Ice, Kelvin, Mercury, Misty, Mos, Noaa, Rain, Rainbow, Rainy, Shower, Sky, Snow, Snowy, Sprinkles, Sprinkles, Sprite, Spring, Storm, Stormy, Stratus, Summer, Sunny, Sunshine, Tempest, Thunder, Toto, Tranquility, Vector, Vorticity, Weather, Willy-willy, Wind, Windy, Winter, Zulu


39. What does NOAA stand for?


-Nitrogen, Oxygen And Argon


40. Why don't meteorologists like to dine out on the moon?


-The moon has no atmosphere


41. What did the evaporating raindrop say?


-I'm going to pieces


42. What type of sense of humor does rain have?


-A very wet sense of humor


What type of sense of humor does a dust storm have?


-A very dry sense of humor


43. Why did the weather want privacy?


-It was changing


44. What does NMG stand for?


-No Good Model


What does AVN stand for?


-Accuracy Vanishing Now


What does ETA stand for?


-Every Time Aweful


45. What did the ETA model say to the NGM model?


-I'm prettier than you


46. Why do raindrops like lightning at night?


-So they can see where they are going


47. Thought: What do umbrellas use to keep rain off of them?


48.
Knock Knock
Whose There?
Rainy
Rainy Who?
Rainy Forecast


49. TRUE AMAZING TORNADO STORY

An Aggie weather professor and two inane weather students wake up at a campsite. They get ready for the second day of their storm chase trip by going to the rented university van to do some early morning weather analysis. The professor emphasizes a few storm chasing rules which are to not look suspicious while on the chase, obey all traffic laws and police, and stay a safe distance from the wall cloud. After his lecture and finishing up some more analysis they come to the consensus that the best chasing will be in the Texas panhandle. They head out north toward Amarillo, TX after eating at a McDonalds. Just outside of Amarillo, TX they approach a rather large supercell storm. The Aggie does a readings check of all the archiving weather instruments. Mounted on top of the van are wind, temperature, pressure, and hygrometer sensors. They approach the storm from the south and notice an ominous wall cloud on the horizon. A few minutes later they spot a tornado. They have a perfect view of the tornado as they drive over large hail in the road that had fallen earlier. The Aggie tells the students to pull the van over to the side of the road. The students ask which cameras they should get out of the van to photograph the intensifying tornado. The Aggie tells the students to not take any cameras out of the van but to get out the baseball gloves, the tees, the golfing club and the shotgun. For a few minutes the professor practices his tee shots using golf ball size hail while the students play catch with a baseball size hail stone. The professor then gets the shotgun and has the students throw large hail stones into the air so that he can shot some hail skeet. The professor mentions that this is the best hail suppression technique that he knows of. Noticing the tornado is getting away they pile back into the van and head northeast toward the storm. They once again approach the tornado but after traveling a few miles they notice a police blockade in the road. The student driver whispers an interesting idea to the other student. Ignoring the road block and the officers warnings they accelerate toward the tornado and turn the radio up full blast playing, "Riders On The Storm" by The Doors. The professor faints when he sees how close the tornado is. The students flash their headlights and high beams to warn the tornado that they are rapidly approaching. Before they know it they go right into the tornado's circulation. Their van is tossed around on the ground like a van in a blender. The Aggie university van ends up severely damaged in a ditch and with all the weather instruments destroyed. The Aggie professor comes to his senses and asks, "why the hell did you guys drive into the tornado?". The students respond with that they wanted to do what the famous storm chasers could never do and that is to put a weather measuring device directly into a tornado. The students emphasize that they could really brag about this and maybe even get a research grant to use this new method of collecting tornado data. They explain how much easier it is to place instrumentation into a tornado if the driver leads the instruments into the tornado. The Aggie professor clutching his neck in the smoking beaten van responds with, "Shut up and listen carefully to me. You guys get an A today for this amazing work. I'll be sure to tell the dean about your great discovery when we get back".

    


50. DISCOVERING ELECTRICITY AND FLASH FLOODING

An Aggie weather professor and the two inane students wait in an Amarillo, TX body shop for the repairs to be completed to the university van. After two long days in the shop their van is finally ready. They charge the repairs on the university credit card and then get into the van to head back to the university. As they are driving back they learn there is a moderate risk of severe thunderstorms in west Texas along and ahead of the dryline. Immediately, they change course for San Angelo, TX. The professor figures that the students have a lot more to learn. After eating at another McDonalds the professor lectures more safety rules to the students including lightning and flash flood safety. He mentions that lightning and flooding are the two main weather killers and that they must be avoided at all costs. While north of San Angelo and traveling south they notice several towers going up toward the west. The professor mentions that the cap is busting. The students check their baseball caps for damage as they turn onto a highway to travel toward the convection. The students notice some clouds above that are in the shape of a huge X. The students ask if this is an example of a vort max that they often see on 500 mb charts. The professor patiently and methodically explains that vorticity is a mathematical value that can not be viewed in the sky like clouds are viewed. They continue to approach a rapidly developing storm. The professor remarks at how impressive the beaver tail is. The students look back toward the developing storm after they see no animals on the side of the road. The professor then remarks that it is time for the cold draft. He goes on to explain the characteristics of the forward flank and rear flank downdraft. The wind changes direction outside as the gust front gives the van a stiff headwind. The students however are busy opening cold draft beers from the cooler. The professor yells to the students to immediately put that stuff away and get focused back on the storm. A few minute later the van blows a tire. They pull off to the side of the road so that the professor can put the spare on the van. Thunderstorms continue to mature around them. Just as the hot and sweaty professor finishes putting on the tire he is stunned to see the students are flying a kite with the van keys attached to the tail. The professor yells to the students who are about 50 yards away and asks them what they are trying to prove. The students explain that they want to be famous just like Benjamin Franklin and discover electricity also. The professor once again figures that sometimes it is best for students to learn the hard way. Sure enough a lightning strike fries the kite and string and gives the students a jolt that knocks them onto the ground. Seeing that they are motionless the professor runs over to the students. Just as the professor reaches them, the students sit up. We have discovered electricity, the students mention, but it really really hurts. At that point, the van keys can be heard smashing into the van's windshield. The three quickly make their way to the van when they hear the weather radio alarm go off in the van. They find out the best supercell is to their southwest but that the storms are quickly merging into a squall line. After driving a little while and within the San Angelo, TX city limits they are caught in a torrential downpour as they try to catch the largest cell. The students turn off onto a country road to try to take a shortcut. After a few more minutes of driving in the downpour the students see a nice deep trough in the road with rapidly flowing water at the bottom. The professor has the weather radio to his ear trying to concentrate on what the artificial voice is saying. The students whisper an interesting idea to each other. Suddenly, the student driver speeds and accelerates toward the flooded road. When at maximum speed they plow into the water. Their van is jolted like a boat in a waterfall. They float downstream until the van gets lodged in a large tree. The professor takes a deep breath and urgently asks the students why in the hell they drove into a flooding road and turned the van into a leaking submarine. The students respond with, "The water ride like this was always safe and fun at the amusement park". The Aggie professor responds shouting with, "I got a brilliant idea guys. We can develop this flood detection technique that you guys have just discovered so that drivers behind us will know if it is safe to pass. We could save the lives of many other people. I'll be sure to tell the dean about our great discovery when we get back". Later that day all three are rescued by helicopter.